UCW ; Packers Playground

[Soutter]

Scene opens up to show The Centre of Attention, Paul Soutter, backstage at the TD Waterhouse Centre. Soutter is wearing one of his customary Hawaiian Shirts over the top of a KGB T-shirt. He is standing in front of a UCW Warfare banner ... the camera zooming in on him as he stares into it intently ....

Soutter : Congratulations!

Congratulations Mark Deal!

Well freaking done!

You just proved that anyone can get lucky with a trash can and hardcore rules!

Thats fine by me ... i know this business like the back of my hand ... i have lost over 100 matches ... this one just gone certainly wont be the last.

Sure i enjoyed carrying around the Xtreme title and beating the living tar out of you guys using them Xtreme rules to my advantage .... but i never really was one to worry about rules .... and i still got this.

Taps one half of the World tag team Titles slung over his shoulder

I still will be beating the living tar out of each and every turkey stupid enough to step in the ring with me.

The only thing that will of changed ... is that i wont be the Xtreme champion.

Ohh well ... i guess i will get over it ... eventually.

Suit takes a deep breathe and sighs.

Ahhhh ... there you go. Over it.

Now .... seems the KGB keeps getting tied up in all these stupid games around who controls the fed .... get it through your heads guys ... we dont care who controls the fed.

Just so long as we are getting paid!

Soutter cracks his knuckle's.

And now we are thrown in some 8 man tag match ... teaming with the likes of RC and Damien Collins.

Rc ... the man i totally destroyed not once ... but twice in two barbaric Xtreme title matches ... Barbaric not for the back and forth action ... but the way i totally squashed and pummelled him from go to wo. Never before ... even for myself have i witnessed a more lop sided outmatched and out classed opponent.

And Damian Collins ... the man who the Bandits destroyed when his own partner Scott Myers left him to us to have our way with ... through pure fear of what was in store for him if he hung around in there with the KGB.

Ohh well ... at least you had the balls to stay and take your beating like a man Collins. Same with you RC.

Soutter nods his head.

The only positive i can garner from this match for the Bandits is that we finally get he chance to get our hands on that turkey Kincade!

Boy ... you have been sticking your nose in Bandit business ever since you arrived. Sure ... a damn good way to get noticed ... but didn't you think one day you would have to take responsibility for them actions ... and face the repercussions?

We are the KGB.

Kross Global Bandits.

And i am The Centre of attention!

The Big Bad Bustling Bandit!

The number ONE man in this industry.

I got the skill to thrill!

The name to entertain!

I'm loud and proud baby!

And i like it like that!

[Soutter]

following is a joint James Fierce / Paul Soutter KGB promo.

--------------------------------

The scene opens up to show the inside of what can only be a pub. Its a sports theme bar and is fairly well crowded ... there are signs everywhere ... reading "Appearing live ... Sat 13th August ... James Fierce & Paul Soutter of the legendary KGB ... Kross Global Bandits.

There is a stage set up and the camera pans past the empty stage to the back .... where we find the Bandits ... how can we put it ... enjoying the "benefits" of appearing at a licensed premises.

Soutter is wearing one of his many Hawaiian Shirts over the top of a KGB t-shirt ... his eyes are glazed over as he downs another shot of Sambuka. Fierce Blue jean shorts, sandals, Reds cap, and a KGB t-shirt and he demolishes a White Russian

James Fierce: Suit ...When did SWAT start doing shows in Michigan?

Soutter : Man ... i really love this place! Michigan ... is that where we are? Are you sure? I seem to remember getting some kind of memo from them dicks telling us to be here for some reason or other ... must be some kind of promotional thing i guess.

Soutter slams down another shot of sambuka

James Fierce: I just don't understand why they'd send us up here? Is the new territory going be here?

Fierce sips his White Russian

James Fierce: Damn that's awful good. I could really dig a place like this ... maybe I'll buy it. It'd be especially cool if they open that new territory here. I could make a bundle off the guys.

[James downs another Russian.]

Soutter : I'll tell you what ... I've about had it busting my hump and working my guts out ... just to have it all taken away ... maybe we should up and leave SWAT all together ... open up our own fed here and cash in big time.

Ka-ching cash register sound effect goes off.

James Fierce: You know, I think we could have at it again. Wouldn't be the first time we turned the world on its ears. Plus this location ain't too far from good old West Virginia.

Soutter slams down yet another sambuka as a young waitress approaches the table ... Soutter oggle's her with drunken eye's and she shy's away from him towards Fierce.

Waitress : Excuse me ... but they are waiting for you out there guys ... and they seem to be getting restless ... you were due on stage over two hours ago and instead have just been sitting here drinking our booze.

James Fierce: Hold on Miss ... is it Beer before liquar never sicker or liquar before beer?

Waitress: Ummm, you need to get out there.

Soutter : WE'LL GO OUT THERE WHEN WE ARE GOD DAMN GOOD AND READY BITCH! NOW SCRAM!!!!

Waitress runs off crying

James Fierce: And don't forget my Fosters!

Soutter : You know ... she was not bad ... i think she liked me ... i might have to try and look her up later on after the show .... stupid cow.

Soutter chuckles ... looks around with an angry drunks face and slams down yet another shot of sambuka

James Fierce: Well I guess the public is calling us.

The owner then makes his way out to the back.

Owner : Look guys .... i dont appreciate the way you are treating my staff ... and the band is waiting ... if yo ....

Soutter : (in a Blues Brothers moment) .... THATS IT JAMES! THE BAND!!

James Fierce: Oh shit....I forgot! You know where we left the guitars?

Fierce and Soutter get to there feet and grab a couple of guitars that just happen to be sitting on a table beside the stage entrance ... the owner looks confused and worried ... but quickly motions to the DJ and "Renegades of Funk" hits just as Soutter and Fierce make there way onto the stage.

James Fierce : (still in Blues Brothers mode) Howdy folks ... we're the Good Old Blues Brothers Kross Global Bandit ... Boys .... hit it!

James starts singing "there's a tear in my beer" while plucking away badly on the guitar. Soutter also is out of tune ... the two of them perhaps the worst guitar players in the world. The crowd begin to boo ... but the Bandits continue on ... someone then gets a bit carried away in the front row and tosses their beer bottle ... just missing the Bandits ... James snaps and smashes his guitar over the fans head ... dropping him like his name was Mark Deal.

James Fierce:Where is security! Dammit! I am a performer! Dammit....and where is my Foster's!

Soutter : HOW DARE YOU! WE COME OUT HERE TO PERFORM FOR YOU TURKEY'S ... AND THIS IS RECEPTION WE RECIEVE! You punks ought to take a leaf out of the staff here's book ... they have gone out of there way to accommodate us... and this is the way you repay them. Take for instance that cutie pie waitress over there ... she has literally bent over backwards ... if you get what i mean.

Disgusting wink from Suit as the crowd "Ewwwww" as one.

James Fierce: I was thinking about buying this place too ... Not now, no, no, no ... Not now. The bandits won't be opening any feds or bars up here.

The owner makes his way out ... a couple of muscle head security with him.

Owner : You guys go to far ... first you drink all my booze ... harass my staff .. and now assault my patrons ... your going to have to ....

CLUNK .... Soutter waffles him over the head with his guitar ... Fierce taking on a fighting stance daring security to have a go.

Soutter : Beat it turkey's ... unless you want a little taste of what the Bandits can do!

Fierce: (Looks down and sees the UCW world tag team titles) ..... SUIT! I remember now!

Soutter : Huh? Whats that man?

James Fierce : We are up here to beat the snot out of a bunch of KGB wannabes!

Soutter : (to the bouncers) So ... you have been running around impersonating the Bandits have you ... i bet you never thought we would of ended up in the same place like this.

Security look at the KGB members like they are crazy ... then each other and decide a retreat may be the best course of action ... these aren't to drunk high school punks they are faced with.

Soutter : Thought so .... (smacks forehead it all now just sinking in) .... Ohhhh ... yeah ... UCW! The huge Pay Per View! The one where they have booked the KGB in every match on the card if i am not mistaken in a desperate attempt to cash in on US!

James Fierce: We are gold. Plain and simple, and they need US! They need the Bandits to boost up the ppv buys. But can you blame them? We are the Bandits. We are the f'n World Tag team champions. We are the roughest most violent Tag team in the world today. Plain and simple.

The crowd at this point is about to riot.

Soutter : Yeahop ... and after this cluster of a ppv ... in which the Bandits are cleaning house baby .... we'll be World Heavyweight Champion as well ... that golds coming to the KGB ... the only question is which one of us!

James Fierce: Does it really matter? As long as it is a Bandit ..... (a chair goes by Fierce's head) ...... Dammit!

Soutter picks up the drum kit from the stage and tosses it at the crowd ....

James Fierce : Shoot Suit, I think we better get on out of here.

An explosion occurs and the roof collapses... A latter then comes down through the gigantic hole and Suit and Fierce grab ahold of it as a helicopter pulls them off the ground ........ In the background we see that the cities streets fill up and rioters begin plundering the shops and setting everything on fire.

Soutter : (yelling from the rope latter ) I LIKE IT LIKE THAT!!!!

[Soutter]

The scene opens up to show The Centre of Attention Paul Soutter sitting on the steps of the Pontiac Silverdome. He is wearing one of his customary Hawaiian Shirts over the top of a KGB t-shirt.

Soutter: (dark depressed voice) Woe am i!

Soutter sits there on the concrete steps ... pondering if they may give him piles if he sits there too long ... he looks over the concrete steps ... there is a scratch in it a flaw ... Soutter ponders if that was the fault of the workmen or the vandalism of some young juvenile he ponders why he is pondering such a thing .... Pondering that if he were in GCW he could surely explain the ponderings ... then sighing in relief that that is not the case ... (him being in GCW that is)

[James Fierce is lowered down with harness]

James Fierce: [In a dark voice] whoa-us he ... We are so Goth and stuff, so we are depressed.

Soutter stands up off the concrete beside James.

James Fierce: Ah screw it...I can't play this Goth BS. I really do not know how they do it ... and this stinking black make-up and stuff, it’s just ugh.

Soutter: How do they do it? No wonder all they talk about is butchering themselves and wanting to knock themselves off .... (Pointing to the camera) YES ... I AM TALKING TO YOU! Wanna do something about it ... we're right here ... not hard to find either ... Tag Team Champions baby!

James Fierce: Not only are we the Tag Team Champions ... we are the best damn thing since slice freaking bread.

Soutter: You know it! KGB Daddy O!

James Fierce: Daddy O? Damn Suit, we are cool and all, but I don't know if we are that cool ... After all we are just the Bandits. And apparently we aren't that cool .....

HA! We make that shit cool. I say market that shit as a Tee shirt, it'll sell millions.

Soutter : Cool is for faggots who cant be tough ... so they have to try and be "cool" ... Daddy O ... (shudders) what was i thinking.

James Fierce: Trust me, it'll sell millions. Just like we sell out buildings and arenas around the world.

Soutter: Sort of why these turkeys have booked us in every match on the card!

James Fierce: Bingo! I have said it a millions times already .... KGB equals Ratings.

A young skinny kid wearing make up with his nails painted black and a GCW t-shirt sneaks up behind them into the camera view ... thinking he is cool ... making angst filled faces which actually make him look like he needs to take a shit .... Soutter nails him with the old raised hand back fist punch without even looking ... dropping him like he was actually a member of there roster. [i/]

James Fierce ...

James shrugs .... Fierce and Soutter then head into the stadium ... stepping over the punk kid like he wasn't even there.

James Fierce: Tomorrow, in this very arena, history will be made over and over again.

Soutter: Yes siree.... and we're not talking about no battle for ownership of a company only for the guy who was owner losing his company and then somehow getting it back the next show type history .... We're talking about history the old fashioned way..... In the ring ... kicking ass and breaking bones!


James Fierce: The KGB way ... That's what it has been about since the Bandits reformed here. We have been breaking bones; we have been busting heads, and have been breaking necks, bones and rules since.


Soutter: Sure we can play the political games ... plotting and backstabbing and swerving any turkey we choose ... better then most.... its fun too.... but not as much fun as when we get someone in that ring ... and know that whatever we do to them ... nothing will ever happen to us. Heck .... we have beaten and crippled and had our way with just about every punk on the roster here .... the law can’t stop us ... because you know ... "it’s all fake anyway" ... (Suit winks to the camera)

James Fierce: We play games as well. We are "Entertainers" and damn good ones at that.... Heck in the past ten minutes I have had to turn down Oprah, Leno, Regis and Kelly...


James and Suit walk down the hallway into the canteen ... there is a Truth bar sitting on the counter ... Soutter grabs it.

Soutter : These must be new ... Truth Bar? I've never heard of them.

Soutter takes a bite.... chews for a moment ... his face screwing up like there is a horrible taste in his mouth or he just had to sit through an entire GCW promo ... then promptly spits it out ... spraying the young girl behind the counter who runs off crying.

James Fierce: Taste like GCW?

Soutter: (still spluttering) ... UGH! Worse! .... If that is possible. You know .... (nodding towards the girl he just spat on) ..... she looked alright ....

James Fierce: Hmmm, Looked is the key word....Past tense.

Soutter: Stupid cow probably wouldn't have a bar of me after i just spat that foul tasting crap all over her anyway.

James Fierce: Hmmm, yes crap. Some say that the ppv card would be just that if the Bandits weren't on the card.

Soutter : Without doubt ... lets run down the list ... who they got with out us .... Sadler? ... Williams? Got there tag belts already right here .... next is that lanky fucks Heavyweight Gold!

James Fierce: Mark Deal .... Errrr I am a Goth ... errrr.

Soutter: Deal (Suit scoffs) ... turkey is lucky to be walking after getting in the ring with me.

James Fierce: Let's see now, what’s the mans gimmick again? A fat goth that is a carbon copy of every single Goth character ever made? Hmmm, he'll make money for the fed .... Riiiight.

Soutter: Then we got R.C .... beat him ... TWICE!

James Fierce: No ... he wasn't beaten, he was brutalized. Kid is lucky to still be able to compete.

Soutter : Your telling me .... then he teams up with that hack Damien ... who we just so happen to of also beaten ... and tried riding the Bandit's coat tails.

James Fierce : Then I see Mr. Kilroy Evans on the card ... Looks like I'll have my own little party before the real PPV coming up in a few weeks in SWAT.

Soutter picks up a wrestling magazine from a table flicking through it .... he stops on a page with a picture of Lee and Sadler ... in bold under the picture is a quote from the article ...

Lee Williams has been quoted as saying GCW are well and truly above SWAT ... many believe this to be because Williams cant win a match in SWAT but is a big time player over at GCW as one of there tag team champs.

Soutter : Hmmm .... you do the math!

James Fierce : Could it be that the SWAT boys refuse to put him over?! I know I won't anytime soon!

Soutter : Maybe ... more likely they must be better ... (sarcastically) ... since he can beat them ... but not SWAT!

James Fierce : Hmmm, what a concept. Let's take this slow for a second that way the fans at home can understand. Talent doesn't mean you have to bore the audience to death .... Talent is what we are! Pure Talent!

That's another Tee Shirt right there!

Soutter : Not some junior high school diary shit crying about how the world isn’t fair and no one treats you or uses you right!

James Fierce : We should charge these kids for this information ... We'd make a fortune.

Soutter : Dip shits wouldn’t understand anyway .... check this out ... how about taking responsibility for your own action? If you don’t win ... don’t sit and cry and blame others for you not being "used properly" ... get out there and make it happen ... anything other then that is just another lame ass excuse!

James Fierce : C'mon now Suit. That'd be too darn easy. People don't want to take personal responsibility for there own problems ... So they use these lame ass gimmicks and pretend that the world hates them. Its the easy way out, plain and simple.

Soutter : You don't hear the Bandits crying about how badly we have been used or mistreated .. do ya? Wanna know why ... cause WE FUCKEN KICK ASS!

James Fierce: And we will be kicking said ass again this weekend.

James Fierce: Well Fuck, lookie there....

Soutter : What's this? Halloween come early?

Adrian Tanner dressed up as a GCW-groupie (complete with all-black clothes, black eye-makeup, and black lipstick): "Oh, woe is me. God hates me. I just wanna die."

Soutter and Fierce shudder.

James Fierce : You do know that the KGB offers folks like you a free services ... Guns .... with two bullets.

Adrian Tanner dressed up as a GCW-groupie (complete with all-black clothes, black eye-makeup, and black lipstick): "Leave me alone. Conformist scum. I don’t have to take this abuse from you!"

James Fierce : Please, please, take the Bandits up on our offer. We will give you TWO, count them TWO bullets with the gun we will provide you.

Brandy walks into the canteen ... dressed in dark clothing ... heavy black eye make up and lipstick

Soutter : Don't tell me ... same salon as ....... him?

Brandi : Id laugh if I were you fat man.

Soutter : Fuck off cow! We've had your games!

James Fierce : Its offiical, the who f'n world has gone Goth. Everyone is taking the easy way out. It's not cool! Goth gimmicks suck .... Someone Give me that stinking gun!

Adrian Tanner dressed up as a GCW groupie (complete with … you get it by now): "Shut up! Conformist bitch! I'm dark and evil and shit! I don’t need to take this from you!

Adrian Tanner dressed up as a GCW groupie (complete with ... you get it by now): " Thats what my mom says. No one likes me cause I'm a super cool non-conformist. "

James Fierce: "No one likes you cause your a gothic douche bag pussy."

Soutter : Your an annoying twat ... get the fuck out of our promo before I show you the back of my hand!

James Fierce : Gun. Now. Please.

Brandi : Did Phoenix come in? O sorry ... the words Phoenix and Come never DID match up ... HAHAHAHA!!!!

Soutter : He wouldn't dare!

Brandi : Trust me, I dared him and HE couldn’t!!!!

Soutter : Listen up cow! No more games ... tonight’s your last chance ... you don’t make it happen for us tonight and your history!

Adrian Tanner dressed up as a GCW groupie (complete with ... you get it by now): "Why wont people like me? Mommy, why wont they like me??

Soutter: I'm getting a head ache from you people! ..... Brandi, leave … Now. This Big Bad Bustling Bandit don’t want to hear your shit no more. You need to deliver on your promises or else the sacrifice you recieved on No Mans Land will seem like childs play!

Brandi : Suit … Suit ..... that’s exactly what I have planned. Don’t you worry …

James Fierce : You see Suit ... This is what happens when you get a poser and hoe’s together. Both bitch about not getting fulfilled.

Fierce and Soutter look at the goths ... then each other and then head out of the room ... towards the locker room.

[Adrian Tanner dressed up as a GCW groupie (complete with ... you get it by now) pulls out a 52 page diary out of his back pocket. The front cover reads "Giant pussy gothic dark poems for beginners." He starts to read #123 titled "The story of Brutalvamp. Why am I such a giant gothic crybaby douche? Waaah, The Connection made fun of my fed!! Waaah!!"]

Fierce and Soutter both look back at gothic poser kid

Soutter : Holy hell .... it can't be.

James Fierce : I think it is though ....

Soutter : It can’t be Tanner …

James Fierce : You’re right … Tanner wouldn’t stoop this low just to be in a KGB promo would he?

Soutter : Nah.

James Fierce : I didn’t think so either…

The scene ends here…That’s right here. No big bang. No dramatic ending…here it ends. Bamo!

[Soutter]

The scene opens to show The Centre of Attention ... Paul Soutter ... not wearing a Woolen jumper ... nor a "wooden one" ... no ... he is wearing one of his many colorful Hawaiian Shirts over the top of a KGB t-shirt. He is in "Sunny England" ..... yeah right ... (heavy sarcasm) ... standing in front of not a SWAT Banner ... not a UCW banner .... not any wanky English landmarks ... and certainly not a GCW banner ... no ... Suit is standing in front of a KGB banner!

Soutter has just finished fucking the guts out of Brutal Vamp's girlfriend / wife / mother / sister / cousin / Elvira / Sarah Michelle Gellar blow up doll and is thinking .... hell ... how do you know what he is thinking ... unless you got esp ... which you dont ... but dont worry ... he's about to tell you his thoughts right now ... because ... thats what wrestlers do.

Soutter : God help us. Here i am ... in that hell hole of a country known as England.

A country known for losing every single contest they have had against my great Australian countrymen there is.

But fuck this country .... and Fuck you!

Yeah .... YOU!

Every single fucking one of you!

Why the profanity you may ask ... simple ... i'm in a bad mood! A bad FUCKING mood!

Why?

I'll tell you why!

One : Lee Williams some how is still World Champ.

Two : I am not!

Three : I dont have a World title shot this coming Warfare.

Four : Instead ... i'm booked in a Handicap match against .... Gauntlet.

Yeah ... Handicap match ... but more on that later.

Five : Lee Williams' opponent ... Pat Bozzini ... Who? ... Exactly ... more on this turkey who for some reason walks into a title shot .... later as well.

Six : R.C. never washed his hands after taking a dump and then got in the ring with the Bandits ... almost makes me as sick as Bozzini getting a title shot.

Seven : Name of a under rated hard working development wrestler.

Eight : P to the X got stripped of the belt with out having the balls to face the Suit ... so i could pin him for it ... again.

Nine : Still cant find a picture of Khallan's tits.

Ten : The food ... the food in this god forsaken country is just atrocious. I mean ... i got off the plane ... and after that abysmal airplane food ... you dont think a 400 pound warrior was hanging for some nutrition ... so i go up to the canteen right ... order myself a nice juicy meat pie ... but what i didnt know was when they say juicy ... they mean "juicy" ... one bite and the whole god damn contents of that pie dribbled ... i dont mean dropped like a few chunks of meat. .. i mean dribble ... like the pie was FUCKEN LIQUID .... right out of the thing ... all over my brand new Hawaiian shirt i picked up for $1.65 in the Bali stop over ...

But lets not get into that country and there stop overs .... lucky i didnt get locked up for ten years ... just for sitting behind someone who's neighbor's cousin's friend's son's ex girlfriend once had a drug problem.

Suit turns to camera two.

Stick that top ten up your ass David Letterman!

And no ... i still wont come on your show!

Nor appear for that matter!

Now ... onto business.

Brandi!

Listen up Cow!

What the hell are you thinking?

After all the Bandits have done for you!

And what do you do ... sign some Bozzini turkey ... with a World title shot?

Big mistake toots.

You may as well slap me in the face .... heck ... Spit in my face while your at it!

How long?

How long have you been feeding us that shit?

(Brandi tart voice imitation) .... Sure Suit ... you now your the man ... just help me out with this one little thing and the belt will be yours ... sure Suit ... you and James know i like the tag team stuff as much as the next gal ... just let me show you how much.

Bitch please!

I am tired!

Tired of you and your false promises ... sure we've had some tag team action with ya ... but shit .... who hasnt!

I'm talking about real promises!

We were there for you ... mole!

Now where are you for us?

Giving Pat "Fucking" Bozzini World title matches ... thats where!

Well ..... this is how its going to be.

This coming Warfare!

You have until the close of the show ...

Either Fierce or myself are given a World title shot ... or thats it.

You can consider yourself a marked .... cow.

Its as simple as that really.

We dont want to play your games any more ... we have done what you asked ... we never really gave a toss who controlled this company to start with ... as long as the pay checks didnt bounce ... but you motivated us ... which was kind of fun ... but its never really the same ... once you've been there ... is it?

So ... come end of Warfare ... either The Big Bad Bustling Bandit or the Ferocious One have a World title shot come closing time ... or consider your "affiliation" with the Bandits .... O.V.E.R.

And speaking of tired .... Lee ... how tired can you get?

Where do you get off giving that turkey Bozzini a shot at my belt?

Yes ... thats right ... MY BELT!

Who the fuck is he to walk in here like god all fucking mighty and just be handed a title shot?

Because he challenged you?

Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww?

Well ..........

I CHALLENGE YOU!

I have been challenging you from the day this piss hole re-opened!

And where is my title shot?

Huh?

Instead im Booked in dumb fuck Handicap matches against Gauntlet!

Gauntlet!

That is your name now ... right?

Where the fuck do you get off pal even thinking you can compete with the Bandits?

Any one of us ... let alone the pair of us!

You my friend are in for the shock of your life come Warfare ... as are all these British buffoons .... the same clowns who actually think there national cricket team has the cricket ashes wrapped up ... well ..... its not over until the fat lady sings ...

Soutter looks back to camera one.

Just to clarify .... that was a poor analogy ... appropriate ... but poor.

Appropriate because we are in England and the English think they have the Ashes won but are in for the shock of there lives .... as is Lee Williams now that he has pushed the Suit over the edge looking past him and granting some turkey who hasn't even had a match here a World Title Shot ... a shot that should of been mine.

Poor because the fat lady (Brutal Vamps girlfriend / wife / mother / sister / cousin / Elvira / Sarah Michelle Gellar blow up doll ) sure as hell isn't singing for "Mark Deal".

Them faggots (Deal / Gauntlet ... whatever his name is tomorrow ... / Bozzini .... ) should be setting up the ring for the Bandits ... paying their dues around here ... lets see him make DK look as a good as i did?

Lets see him work his way up the ranks even though he is better then everyone around here and play in the Extreme division slaughtering the likes of RC like i did.

Talking about myself there .... everyone knows it is the Big Bad Bustling Bandit who is "better then everyone around here" .... not Patty Bozzini.

And speaking of setting up the ring .... these new guys better lift there game.

Venom ... Mancer ... Coulliard ... Elrick and Dave Dangerous .... when you set up the ring ... you are meant to secure it .... "securely".

Another mishap like happened at the ppv ... where you know ... i fell right through the thing ... and you'll be one the next boat back to fuck water GCW ... never getting near setting up MY ring again.

Suit switches back to camera two.

I am The Centre of Attention!

Big Bad Bustling Bandit!

Number ONE man in this industry.

I got the Skill to Thrill!

The Name to Entertain!

I'm loud and proud!

The Elixir of Execration ...... ACK!

Scene begins to fade then switches back to camera one.

Ohhhh ... and this cocksucker claiming to be a Tanner .... can go get Fucked!

I happen to know for a fact Adrian has NO twin .... how you may ask ... well ... i have BEATEN every single Tanner there is .... and you using the Tanner name is the weakest ... lamest .... most desperate act i have ever witnessed in this sport.

[Soutter]

TJ Johnson: “Hello folks, what a year? I can’t believe that everyone is here either! We have not seen so many of you for so long. I would like to thank you all on behalf of UCW for being here as well as the fans watching at home. That aside lets get down to business and our first award. Well this is not actually an award, but an induction into the UCWs prestigious Hall of Legends that goes back to 2003 with the first inductions of Flare and Gene StClair. That aside our panel had a hard time finding two clear new nominations, so they went with the four men who got the most votes. Ladies and Gentlemen your 2005 Hall of Fame inductees are.. Bruno, DKahuna, James Fierce and Paul Soutter!”

Mixed reactions of cheers and boos for all four wrestlers as they both make their way up onto the stage and the podium. TJ Johnson shakes Bruno’s and DKahunas hands however James Fierce and Paul Soutter blatantly ignore him.

TJ Johnson: “So guys what is it like…”

Paul Soutter: “Get the fuck out of here you skinny little bastard! If its not bad enough being back here in this stinking UCW but to be nominated to the hall of lame is another thing altogether!”

TJ Johnson: “Well it shows…”

James Fierce: “Shows what? That we cant put the UCW part of our careers behind us! Come on Suit lets get off this damn stage and back to the beer!”

They both leave the stage and make their way back to the table.

TJ Johnson: “DKahuna? Bruno? You have anything better to say about being inducted?”

Bruno: “Yeah dawg (Huge Pop), I just have to see it is an honour man. Those two arrogant bastards have never done shit anywhere. They don’t know how much the UCW means. We have been here since day one pal and I tell you what we are honoured to be part of the UCW forever in the hall of legends.”

DKahuna: “Being the first UCW World Heavyweight champion I have to say man, it is about time bitches!”(Huge Pop)

They both depart the stage as the majority of UCW wrestlers and alumni give a standing ovation to both men. TJ Johnson even has a small tear in his eye as both men return to the table.

[Soutter]

TJ Johnson: “Now onto our final two awards, this next award came right down to one vote. Without hesitation I give you the panels UCW Tag Team of 2005 … Paul Soutter, James Fierce.. The Kross Global Bandits.. the KGB!”

“Around The World” By RHCP hits as both members of the KGB make their way to the stage with a great deal of anger upon their faces. TJ Johnson hands a reluctant James Fierce the award as the two men get a number of jeers.

Paul Soutter: “So we where named 2005s best team in UCW huh? Too bloody right. We dominated for months before finally getting the hell out of this shit hole.”

TJ Johnson: “So you are pleased about this award?”

James Fierce: “Not really. Just nice to see we are still recognised as better then anyone else here in smallville.”

They both leave the stage as TJ Johnson returns to the podium.